Chastities Conquest; or, No Trusting before Marriage, 1672

By now, we've all been subjected to the undeniable appeal of teen pop sensation Carley Rae Jepson's infectious summer hit, "Call Me Maybe." America loves it!

But, as with all things, it has its antecedents in the 17th century. Much like "Call Me Maybe," the ballad "Chastities Conquest" is also a beautiful paen to sweet sweet love. Also, you can sing it to the tune of "Call Me Maybe"!:

If as you say you Love
make I'se your wedded Mate,
And you shall freely have
whatever you'd be at.
Will you not then my Joy
without your wedded strike.
No by my troth not I
Such lovins I'se not like.
But wedded my Arms shall bless
thy passion to the light
And with a consenting kiss
my Love to his Joys invite.
 ...
For when I touch thy Breasts
thy charms so fire me
Yet needless is a Priest,
then come no nigher me
...
Let's no kind minutes wast
I'le lead thee to my Bed,
Where Loves delights we'll taste
and so tomorrow be wed.


It sort of works, right? A little bit more emphasis on premarital sex, but still -- close! "Chastities Conquest"  is actually sung to the tune of "Canst thou not weave Bone-lace" (that old standard), which is obviously the exact same song.

I bet in the summer of 1672, "Chastities Conquest" was EVERYWHERE! People were singing it all the time -- in the streets and the fields and while they were in the shower dying of preventable diseases. I'faith, it is my jam.